9 COPING STRATEGIES ALL SINGLE MUMS NEED.

Having researched this and of course as a single mother of four healthy young children myself, sharing my experience with other single mums who are in similar situation can prove to be a sounding board and of huge reward. Highlighted are lists of coping strategies to help make life easy for those wearing my kind of shoes:

1. Use your support Network

Don’t be afraid to lean on friends and family – the likelihood is they will want to help out, especially if it means time with your kids. Also remember there are plenty of people in a similar situation to you who can give you advice or be a sounding board.

Think about different friends and look for online forums, blogs and Twitter and instagram accounts you can relate to.

2. Trust in yourself and worth

Whether you are overwhelmed or panicking, nobody feels 100% confident all the time. So, take a deep breath, count to 10, put on some music or phone a friend – whatever calms you down.

‘There are two million other single parents out there, so tell yourself – out loud if that helps – that you are not alone and you can do this.

3. Make time for you, as you are also important

Find something you love and make time for it – schedule it in your diary or let those dishes and dirty clothes wait. Whether it is swimming, watching your interesting TV show or seeing a friend, giving yourself head-space helps you feel refreshed when you’re exhausted. Even think about something that’ll give you time to yourself and also boost your confidence – perhaps a University course, which you can do over time and increases your skill set.

4. Find your feel-good ruses

Put on lipstick or dig out that top you always feel good in, little touches, but good for a boost. There’s a school of thought called colour psychology that suggests certain types influence mood too, so attack your wardrobe for something bright green or pink – it is meant to refresh you – or pop on something in calming blue or red.

Ready to date again? Think about easing into it with a speed dating night or joining a dating site where a friend writes your profile. She/he can highlight all the qualities you wouldn’t tell about yourself. Ask family and friends to hook you you up with some cool dates to try again.

5. Avoid comparing yourself to others

That other single mum might seem like she has it all together, but remember everyone tends to put a brave face on. ‘We all compare ourselves to other people from time to time. ‘In fact, no one has it all worked out, so just concentrate on what you and your kids need and keep doing things your way that works for you.’

6. Get organised and plan

You split the household tasks, so it all being down to you now can be daunting. ‘Ask other single parents what works for them, so you can develop your own system as a routine.

Become the lady of to-do lists and consider where you can afford to ease the load. Think about sparing a few change every fortnight for a cleaner to free you up, for example even if it’s just in the kitchen, cloakroom and bathroom.

7. Keep relationship issues separate

Depending on the situation with your ex-partner, try and keep anger moments for when you’ are not around the children. It is tough for them to see and chances are you don’t want them to have a negative view of their dad (even if you do).

‘When you are finding it hard to be reasonable, keep coming back to the thought "What is best for the children but don't neglect yourself"’ "That’s not to say you’ll always agree on what that is, but it may help you work towards getting on the same page and make sure you are happy about it".

Likewise, think about stepping out of the room for phone calls or rescheduling for when your children are in bed so you can chat or discuss.

8. Remember to pat yourself on the back

Write down key achievements at the end of each week, from fun you’ve had with your children to something you crossed off your to-do list.

‘You deserve to be happy – however bad you feel, don’t forget that you are loved and appreciated. If you need a reminder, look at your kids,’ Get a solid routine in place and just focus on one day at a time and you will be just fine.

9. Ultimately, always remember you are also human and that "you rather struggle everyday of your life than ever give a man power to say " you wouldn't have this and that if it wasn't for me". Good luck!